Sunday, December 26, 2010

A Nearly Normal Christmas

Since Lindsay's diagnosis and remission, holidays have taken on special meaning. Even though I am grateful for every moment we have, every tradition that cancer could have stolen, there are often tears welling in my eyes. I think of what might have been. And sometimes those are tears of "what may come".

But not this Christmas. Only two years post-cancer, only our second Christmas in remission, and somehow I managed to make it through Christmas with almost no cancer tears! There was joy and very little "what if". The children delighted in the Christmas lights, the stockings, even their cousins' elf on the shelf (apparently not phased by the fact that Elfie was there to guarantee good pre-Christmas behavior). And I delighted in the normalcy of it all.

Of course I grieved for the children who have lost battles this year. I felt sad for the children newly diagnosed. I empathized with the mother's trying to make the most of Christmas in the hospital. But none of this was amplified by Lindsay's battle. It was merely the sadness any mother would feel when they hear of a child suffering.

Christmas may be over, but I will always remember this year as a huge milestone. Yes, there can be normal after cancer. I feel it more and more every day!