Tuesday, August 17, 2010


I'm awake tonight. 2:37:28 am ... not atypical.

The reason I'm awake is that I had a headache. And to avoid it turning into a migraine, I took Excedrin. And now I'm wide awake, but, thankfully headache free.

The reason I'm explaining why I'm awake is to point out that I'm not awake because today is the 2 year cancerversary.

Though, I will freely admit that my Excedrin-interrupted sleep was punctuated by intense, but undefinable fear about the children's safety and well-being. Each time I awoke (until I finally gave up and logged on), I had a sense of either panic or dread. Hmm...

At any rate, today is 2 years to the day that we found out Lindsay might have leukemia. I say "might". The doctors said, "probably" and "almost certainly". Matt and I were in total denial. I just knew it was going to be Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever or some bizarre virus that her body would beat the hell out of. Well, shit.

The interesting thing about leukemia is that we "count" from the day she was diagnosed. Which makes this horrible day a cause for celebration. Counting is relevant because the farther away you are from diagnosis, the better your odds are. Two years out means your odds of relapsing at about 5%. Three years out means you're likely to stay in remission. Ten years out means secondary cancers are much much less likely. 20 years out means, "Hey, 20 years ago I had cancer. Isn't that f-ing crazy? Let's have a glass of wine and roll our eyes over how ridiculously terrified my parents were."

Happy cancerversary. We won't be celebrating... any more than we do every day :-)

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